Self Talk 8.0 - contradiction as an invitation
Allow yourself to go both ways, baby.
There is a fire in you that wants to run - build - create.
You are on. You are on the move.
You are making the changes and doing the things and making it happen.
But there is also some water in you that just wants to widen into a puddle instead of forming a powerful stream ahead.
You want to go home. Really home, be a child. Drop the fight. Go home.
As in the house with parents and a sister and where you never have to pretend. As in the house where the fridge is always full and meals appear and there was no money and no job to think about. As in a house where I can take baths in the afternoon and there are no consequences, nothing stays undone because someone else takes over. As in a house where I can just relax.
You want to go home. Do nothing. Rest. Leave it all to someone else.
But that time is gone, and going home like that would not work when you are not 17 anymore, it would not do.
And still, you want to go home.
And you keep fighting the desire in your head, because it does not fit the storyline of the independent woman you are all of the sudden supposed to be - living in a big city all on your own.
Fighting this desire in your head only makes you more tired.
Allow yourself to have both.
“ I am building a new life and going for what I want and it is triggering a desire to just retreat, go home and relax.”
I see the contradiction - and the invitation.
Contradictions hold an invitation for alignment.
It is a starting point to figure out how I can be here – in the limbo.
I book some tickets home, a little trip, to get it out of my system.
And then I listen to what this has to say, what action this tension needs to release.
How can I make space for relaxing and having a sense of home while I am on the way? My practises - my mat, my words, my breath. The beach. My people.
How can I give myself the things I had at home – that same kind of trust that things will be taken care of? How can I give myself the confidence of knowing I can take care of myself – fully? What was there then that I am lacking now? A rhythm, some kind of order? Abundance? Responsibility? A bath! Definetely a bath. Nutritious meals.
How can I link the life I am stepping into to the life I had before? Can I realize that what I am going towards is a sense of home that will give me that place to relax into, but this time it will be a sense of peace that I created myself.
How can I play with action and passivity, empowerment and surrender without getting stuck in either?
I realize I have what it takes to have it all if I shift my perspective.
I can allow myself to have both.
Drop the fight. Integrate. Make it light.