Sunshine, teach me.

I have always been more of a moon girl. She made sense to me. She shines at night – more careful than the sun, only when she feels safe. She goes up and down, changes shape, loses and finds herself. But still there is some kind of logic to her mess, some kind of balance. A cycle that teaches us how to follow our own; on new moons we build, on full moons we let go.

The moon is soft. She is woman. She is cared for, she takes the light from the sun, receives it and makes her own poetry with it. She is dream. She is introspection. She is intuition. She is healing. Doing the work inside, licking our wounds.

The moon my mirror. I translate her into my life with rituals and feelings and taking baths and crying when I need to. With taking my healing so damn seriously. I lived in my pain a lot – my stories, my triggers, my fears. I am soft and careful and not too loud. I had this thing for deep connections and conversation and music was only good if the lyrics touch my heart. My job was just to bring what is inward outward and reflect it back. To the world. Just write and move and teach.

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But this spring transition is bringing the sun back –  and for the first time, I am really seeing myself in that kind of shine too. It is becoming clear that this energy is asking to be integrated more fully – to be accepted as my own.

The sun is courage. It is fire. He just shines and that is it. Every day. No apology. And he gets shit done – the flowers explode from the ground, trees change color, our skin gets tanlines and the ocean warms up for us to swim. The sun is an invitation – and you take it or you don’t take it but the rhythm is set. You join the dancing and the going outside and the flirting, or you don’t. But the sun doesn’t wait. He gives you what you get. Tomorrow is a new day, no set cycle, no holding on to the day before. The sun just is. And he is everywhere.

I am trying to learn. To be in the shine and the heat of the moment, and to be comfortable in it, to sunbathe in it, even if I don’t understand it. To just go and act. I changed how I love, where I live and I made a website, I change jobs. And I want to keep the train moving. I want to keep the shine going, keep feeding the potential that comes from these changes, keep acting on the little pings I get. I want to just be honest, instead of being so damn subtle all the time. And I want to go outside. I run now, I skate instead of taking baths. I listen to upbeat R&B and latino songs that just make me feel joy eventhough the lyrics are questionable. I can have friendships that are just about laughter and presence. I want to be more proud and strong, so much of the healing is already done. Hell, I can just live a little too. And my job – well just being this intuitive little girl is not going to cut it. So I might as well get down to business. I am trying to learn how to own it like the sun. How to shine like the sun. How to do more – regardless of what and how I feel.

And the moon is still there, I need the support, the balance, I will never compromise or neglect her.  

But there is sunlight too – and damn I am going with it.

Take a moment. See where you are. Which one of the two comes more natural to you? What elements of the sun or the moon already feel like home to you? And what of the opposite time is fascinating to you? What parts are you ready to play with, to integrate, to step into?