Adding in the Good Stuff
We can have a goal, but they way we get there, is just as important. We can have a goal and get rigid in the chase of it, we can want to lose weight and deprive ourselves. We can want to build a business and go insane and cut everything out that resembles some kind of a social life. Our goal can be so clear, but when we get too focussed on that perfect state, we are painfully aware of the lack if it in our lives today. We get confronted with how much we are "not" what or who or where we want to be.
Let's say you want to be a vegan, but you beat yourself up everytime you have some cheese or some chocolate. If you want to drink less wine but you went with the flow and had a few wines, and now your head hurts. You want to stay away from people but you catch yourself missing them, or caring about their opinion of you. You want to watch less netflix but you are so tired that you keep going back to the couch. You want to get out there but you are too scared so you postpone the real shit.
A lot of our goals are born from an insight that we need change. And then our ego's want to get it over with and want to get everything right from the first moment. And at the same time our ego's are so attached to our old ways that they slip.
We forget that an intention to change is a process.
An intention is powerful on it's own, we can let go of the forcing to back it up. We can hold the vision and slowly make ourselves more at home in it. It is enough to know where you are going, and then to take your time to get there. This way you can integrate and feel all that happens on the way there, you make it your own and it won't leave you. You invite it in instead of forcing it to be a certain way.
It is a simple principle: adding in the good stuff will crowd out the bad stuff.
It is also a joyful prinicple. Instead of focussing on where you are off from your perfect vision, you focus on things that will bring you closer to it. You focus moment to moment on what you can do that is going to lead you there. So you feel a sense of getting closer rather than the distance.
If you want to go vegan: try focussing on experimenting with recipes, making different choices in retaurnts, etc. Instead of putting cheese all over your pasta, let the veggie sauce be enough. Add in more vegan meals, get excited about them, and then the habit can grow naturally. Add in fruit and the cookie cravings might fall away.
If you want to drink less wine, try to invite friends for tea or do other things than always hanging out at a bar. Experiment with different drinks. Notice how good you feel when you don't and you will crave it less and less.
If you want to stop hanging out with people that are bad for you, then simply focus on the people that are good for you. Or make new friends. Be more conscious with your time, and you will notice you have less and less time for these people that only bring you down. And you won't feel lonely because you added in all these other shiny people.
If you want to watch less netflix and be more productive, just ask when you crave it. Are you too tired? Then find ways to energize yourself so these tv-shows loose their appeal.
Instead of just cutting something out, focussing on the positive and adding in replacements will shift your attitude to your goals from a striving to perfection to an act of celebration. Take off the pressure, allow yourself thetime you need to get there and add in the things you need to get there.