Choose Your Guides Wisely.

Here is a list of women that inspire me. And actually also a list of points you need to have if you want to by my friend actually. I thought it was going to be one of these easy posts, but I am blown away by how profound this is, by how it has changed my life. I have been thinking a lot about femininity and what being a woman means to me. And about the examples that really touch my heart, the ones I think about when I make certain decisions, the ones whose power and grace I want to embody. There are certain things they all have in common, seeds that I plant in myself as I "channel" them, seeds that I am slowly allowing to grow while I drop my resistance.

This is not a list of women I find pretty - although they are all beautiful and hell a sexy. But that alone won't get you on my list. This is not about the comparison game, as I will never look like Penelope Cruz anyway so I might as well drop it.

I am so grateful to myself for recognising them, for finding them. I am relieved I outgrew other examples. Because whoever your examples are, will influence you a lot

Choose wisely.

Please, please, please: choose wisely.

I will let you know who has shown up in my life as guides, but more importantly, I will also explain what characteristics and values lie behind them. That is the important stuff. because that is what you will end up embracing. What we focus our energy on, expands.

Let me repeat: what we focus our energy on, expands.

So if you continuously focus on perfect bodies or perfect boyfriends or a certain standard of money or any comparison games that don't serve you, stop. If you follow women you secretly envy rather than respect, if it makes you feel bad - check yourself. Find what feels good and start expanding that.

We get brainwashed into striving to be "good girls" , "pretty girls", "skinny girls", "easy girls", "white girls", "sexy but not slutty girls". And we get bombarded with ready-made examples of that all the time. 

Stop. Take ownership. 

Choose your guides wisely. 

Please.

 guidesa

But without further ado, let me present to you:

Anais Nin.

For her words and her owning of her sensuality, for her power and sensitivity at the same time. This lady was intense, but she owned it and it made her stronger. For sharing so much of herself.

Meghan Currie.

For her fire, her grace in movement that blows me away. For her strength and her softness. For her sense of play. For how incredibly beautiful and natural and pure she seems to be.

Beyonce.

For her raw power. Her sexiness on her own terms, her evolution, her not standing still and her growing beyond every expectation every single time. For owning the duality of being a mother and an empress, for being the embodiment of confidence.

Jane Fonda.

For her story. For her humor. For the tv-show Grace and Frankie, but for how incredibly full her life has been, how she has continued to grow more and more into herself and for her energy.

Isabel Allende.

For her musical writing, her presence in life. How aware do you have to be to write like that? Her fire in that little body, her way of loving and talking about loving. Her art and her presence.

 

They are all so different, in color, in age, in careers, in weight, in style, in vibe. But than I find the magic underneath, it is hard to put a finger on completely, but there are threads running through all of them. Themes. Sings that they are members of one club.

 

  • Sexiness.  As in sexy as hell. Embodied. In touch. In tune. Women. Full on.
  • Intensity. They have an inner world that gives birth to art. They dive head first in their emotions. They have darkness and light, softness and strength. They are fire women, huricane women. They own their contradictions gracefully.
  • Healing. They have become masters of intensity by developing their own tools, by going deep, What they have in common is that they overcome, they survive and they don't become hard in the process. They are victorious. Fighters.
  • Purpose. It goes beyond pretty and emotional. They are forces. They go beyond themselves. They have something to say. Art to make. Minds to blow. Worlds to change.
  • Independence. They take radical responsibility for their lives. They don't need validation - although they get it and enjoy it, they don't depend on it. They ask permission first and foremost to themselves.
  • Worthy. They know their worth and act accordingly. They are precise with their time and energy. They know what supports them and what they need. They know what works against them and they stay away from that stuff or drop that stuff. They don't have time to play below their level, which does not come from arrogance but from focus.
  • Love. Oh they all know how to love. Their energy is captivating, but they are a force, and not everyone can welcome that. But when you cancel out all the men that cannot make space for them, you have certain men that can - and they are gold. Jackpot. This goes for friendships and all kinds of connections.
  • Authentic. They are not playing a game. They are humble where they know they are imperfect. They wear their heart on their sleeve, they speak their truth. their honesty is an act of courage.  They have nothing to hide.
  • Expansion. they never stop. they keep growing, they are present and in that way they keep growing in life, in a way that only they can. they are not confined in a specific role, they outgrow previous versions of themselves even if it makes others uncomfortable.

So it is all about fierce embodiment, authentic expression of a rich inner world and living fully, lovingly, purposely and confidently while holding space for all that they are. Simply put, they are queens and they are free. 

The greatest gift of my life right now is how I see it unfold - that I recognize more and more of those qualities around me. I recognize a woman of my tribe when I see her. I read a book by this new writer I talked about in my last post, and I see these qualities. Elif Shafak. I listen to Sade's music and there is another one. Gloria Steinem. Jemima Kirke. Lilith and Venus.

They become more and more present as I focus on that kind of energy. Read their books, watch their movies, unfollow all that other stuff.

But more importantly: I find those women in real life. My friendship group, my clan, the women I talk to every day start having the same vibe. I start attracting them, we find each other.

But even more importantly: I see myself in them. I see all of this in my becoming.

It is all an upward spiral of empowerment. Guides, as ideals to look up to. Friends to connect with. And yourself to grow into. It becomes your life.

So choose wisely, please.