Stop rushing. Stop leaving. Stop staying in one place.

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9ca29bd75f05ad86064a79ef9a5fedbe

We are so rushed.

When we are confused, we want a decision.

When we ask a question, we want an answer.

When we leave, we want to know when we come home.

When we run, we want to know how far.

When we do something, we wonder if it can be undone.

We are so rushed.

I left. Questions. I arrive in Morocco. Unconsciously I fall in the trap of thinking this place has all the answers. That I can come here in a new way of living, and the clarity will come while I walk in the medina, or when I drink tea with herbalists or while I get chased out of a neighborhood by annoying men. I think I will read on a rooftop and suddenly I will know while overlooking the city. I think new perspective will automatically follow from different smells and colors and vibes.

I should have known better. Exotism. Escapism. It is easy.

I arrive and I break my phone. I roam around this town, without google maps and no way of knowing where I am. I try the use the paper map, but that is hard when streets don't have names. As a believer in the universe: I think it is telling me that I have to be alone, take a step back into myself. Look without taking picture. Think without asking my friends for advise. Feel without distraction. Alone.

I ask the wrong people for directions, I run. Scared. I find a nice guy that takes me where I need to be, but it is hard to trust. "Don't walk here without your friends", he tells me. And "may God protect you". I thank him, again and again.  Now, the universe it trying to tell me to be humble, to stop thinking I can handle it all by myself. Together.

We are so rushed.

We ask the questions and we want the answers.

Why is it so hard to keep things up in the air?

To let them breathe.

There are so many interpretations. So many ways of seeing the same things. So many ways of feeling. There is no answer in the mind. Emotions are tainted by over thinking. There is no map. No one to call.

I stop rushing.

I stop leaving.

I stop staying in one place.

Instead I am - here. I let myself be here with all the questions unanswered. Maybe all I needed was a little living. Maybe this is no time for answers, decisions. Maybe this is a time for exploration and learning. For letting go and discovering. Live until it all fits back together somehow. No deadlines. No demands.

Maybe all I need is to keep living a little until it al fits back together somehow.

I left. I arrive in Morocco. I thought I would find the answers. Instead it is forcing me to be. Just be. Be who I am beyond the questions, go back to that girl and find comfort in her. The universe is also telling me it she is okay. And that is not up for question. At least this is crystal clear.

 Stop rushing.

Be here.

You broke everything wide open.

breathe in the fresh air.

Free.